Under Sheldon's Hood
by SmuttyShipper
Summary: Another response to the Kink MEME at livejournal: The boys debate whether size matters, and when Sheldon ridicules their pre-occupation, they decide that he's not packin' much.
1. Chapter 1

_Another response to the Kink MEME at livejournal. The original request: The boys are having a heated conversation over whether or not size matters, to which Sheldon ridicules their preoccupation. The boys then insist that he is only attempting to draw attention away from the fact that he must be...small._

_Penny is chosen to ascertain exactly what it is Sheldon is packing under the hood. Whether she does this covertly or the whole thing is out in the open is up to you, fair anon ;)_

"I don't understand your preoccupation with the size of your penises." Sheldon said in a bored tone.

"Look, Sheldon, just because you have zero interest in coitus or whether your woman is satisfied with what you have under the hood, doesn't mean the rest of us shouldn't care. Procreation is important, even if it's not to you." Howard's voice was sharp.

"Has your 'woman'," he made the finger quotes, "indicated that she is dissatisfied with what you 'have under the hood'," and again with the air quotes.

"Well, no, but you saw that guy!"

"Perhaps Bernadette is unconcerned because the vagina is only sensitive within the outer six inches."

"Hey, I got more than…." Howard trails off.

"The point, Howard, is that *I* don't care, and would like for us to change the subject." He paused. "Please." He added as an afterthought.

"Wow, how little must you be packin' to want to change the subject?" Howard derided.

But Sheldon would not be drawn, merely shaking his head in bemusement. "I don't understand what difference the size of MY penis matters to you, even more than I don't understand about yours."

Leonard responded to this. "It's a measure of sexual prowess and from an evolutionary standpoint a larger penis would indicate a higher likelihood of impregnation."

"I see." He allowed, although he clearly still did not want to be involved in the conversation.

It was at this auspicious moment that Penny let herself into the apartment. She took in the expressions of the guys, and briefly considered leaving. "What's up, guys?"

"Penny, does size matter?" Howard asked her bluntly.

"What?" She replied, shocked. "Howard, so help me…."

"No, no, no. I'm trying to explain to Sheldon that it's not weird for a guy to care about the size of his penis."

She took a step back. "You boys are comparing penises? Or is it penii?"

"Either penises or penes is correct and no we certainly are not comparing them." Sheldon voice got Texas-y at the end of his sentence, a sure sign of distress.

"Yeah, 'cause Sheldon's packin' a teeny weiny." Howard went in for the kill.

With one last disdainful look, Sheldon left the room and marched himself to his bedroom.

Howard looked smug, Leonard looked vaguely amused, Raj looked thoughtful and Penny had a very odd expression on her face. "I thought you guys slept naked for warmth in the arctic. Don't you already know what he's 'packin''?" Penny also did the air quotes, which the others found a little disconcerting.

Then the meaning behind her words sunk in, and Howard and Raj turned betrayed eyes to Leonard. "You told her?" Howard demanded.

"Heat of the moment," he mumbled.

"Ah, during coitus." Howard allowed it to slide. "To answer your question, we all kept pretty well covered in that area, and Sheldon was on the outside facing away." A thought struck Howard. "Wow, he must be really little, he hid even then."

Penny shook her head. "Seriously, Howard, were you not here the day Leonard and Sheldon came back in their shorts? I think you're probably way off base."

"Prove it." Howard said.

"What?" Penny and Leonard cried together.

"Go in there and get him to show you. I'll take your word for it; I don't want to see it whatever size it is."

Penny narrowed her eyes at Howard and a still protesting Leonard. "It's not your concern, Leonard. Okay, Howard, say I do this, get him to show me the goods, and it's normal size and not small, you have to apologize to him for being so damned mean."

"Fair enough. And if it's small?" He asked with an evil grin.

"You say one word to him about it, and yours will be minus 2 inches, which we both know you can't spare." She glared at him, and he shrank (in all possible ways) under that look.

"Okay."

Penny shook her head at him and went to knock on Sheldon's door. "Sheldon, may I come in?"

The door slid slowly open, "what do you want Penny?"

"Just a few minutes of your time."

The door opened the rest of the way. About 25 minutes later, Penny came back out, looking a little dazed.

The guys, who had been waiting impatiently, stood as one. "Well?" Wolowitz demanded.

"We didn't really…we said small, we said average, but we didn't really cover…. Yeah, you should probably drop it, Howard."

"Why, what do mean?"

Penny took a deep breath. "You know how you call him an enormous dick?" Howard nodded. "Turns out, you were right."

She was humming a little as she strolled to the door. "Wait," Leonard said. She paused. "What took so long?"

A grin crossed Penny's face. "Had to make sure that it was all the way hard, didn't I?"

And with that she left four stunned scientists behind.

End….Unless someone wants the Bonus scene of Penny coaxing Sheldon to hardness. No? Okay then.


	2. Chapter 2

The bonus scene:

Sheldon opened the door for Penny; he knew trying to keep her out was a waste of time anyway. He stood, arms crossed over his chest as she looked at him appraisingly.

"Why didn't you defend your manhood, Sheldon?"

"What would have been the point?" He asked, clearly at a loss.

"Well, shutting Howard up is usually a good reason to do something."

"And discussing the size of my penis would have accomplished that?" He seemed doubtful.

"If you're packin' what I think you're packin' then, yes it really would."

He blinked at her in confusion and perhaps a bit of interest. "You've speculated on the size of my penis?"

"You peeked. Doesn't have to be anything more than human nature." But her eyes didn't meet his. Not that he would have known, since his had dropped to the ground when she had mentioned his lapse from Homo Novus status.

"What do you suggest that I do? Go out there and tell Howard my measurements?"

"No, why don't you let me do that?"

He took a step back. She took one forward. "Penny?"

"Show me, and I'll get them off your back." He stared at her, mouth agape. "You saw me naked, Sheldon; it's not unreasonable for the old quid pro quo, now is it?"

She had him there, but he still felt that he should protest more. But Penny took another step towards him, an intriguing gleam in her eyes. Her hand landed on his chest and trailed downward. His had clamped onto hers, stopping it. The look he sent her was curious.

"It means what it means, Sheldon. We'll see how it plays out."

Sheldon Cooper did not like doing things on the fly, but he was a scientist and as such knew that often the unplanned was of greater value than expected results. Otherwise there would be no penicillin. He released her hand and dropped his to his sides, giving himself over to her.

Penny was touched by his trust and spirit of adventure. "I'm just going to undo your pants, Sweetie." She suited action to word and unfastened his pants. She made certain to brush over him to try and get a jump start on his erection. The first time she did, he gasped. The second time he bucked towards her.

"I'm pulling them down now," she murmured. She carefully eased his pants over his narrow hips and chanced a glance down. Yep, she'd been right. And he wasn't even fully erect yet. Penny tried to modify her breathing, but she had to be honest with herself, she was getting a little turned on. Just the thought of all that, attached to the world's most frustrating man, with the deepest blue eyes…oh yeah.

"Underwear now, Sheldon." She said softly, as she pulled his underwear carefully over his burgeoning erection. She gently ran her fingers over him. "Pretty hard already." She cut her eyes up to him. "Anything in particular I can do to get you to full mast?"

He licked his lips. "Penny, you know that I have little experience in this area." He said finally. "Whatever you …ah…suggest."

"You don't have a particular way that you like to be touched?" His penis jumped in her hand when she said 'touched', so she took that as a clue. "Okay, Sheldon, hold on." He took her literally and placed his hands on her shoulders, gripping lightly. She ran her hand teasingly over him, noting how smooth it was. She ran her thumb over the head, and then made a circle with her fingers and slid it down to his base and back up. He bucked into her hand, and his hands tightened on her shoulders rhythmically.

She started to move her hand faster as he lengthened in her grasp. She had been sure that Howard was wrong. How he could assume that Bernadette's ex had a large dick just because he was tall, but that Sheldon, who was only a few inches shorter, wouldn't have just defied logic. She looked from Sheldon's gaping face to his pulsing manhood, and smiled. It was a little longer than she had expected, and disproportionately thick. As slim as he was she'd expected thin, but that was not was she currently held in her greedy hand.

She stroked him faster and faster, as he continued to thrust into her hand. His knees wobbled, and he pulled from her hand. "Want to sit on the bed, Sweetie?"

"Yes, I think that would be best." He grabbed a clean sheet, threw it over his comforter and lay on his side upon it. Penny lay facing him and took him back into her clasp. His eyes shot to her chest, then back up to her face and then to her hand, once again stroking him.

"Did you want something?" She asked huskily, more turned on than she probably should be.

"May I touch…?"

Her breath caught, and she nodded. His hands slowly closed the distance to her top, cautiously cupped a breast, and gently ran his thumb over the nipple he could feel pebbling through a blouse and her bra. He sighed, and closed his eyes. Penny was hoping that he would take the next step, and get his hand on skin. He must have had the same thought, because a moment later he was sliding his large warm hand under the cup of her bra and fondling her breast, rolling the nipple between his thumb and forefinger, and generally driving her crazy wanting more.

As a consequence, his hips moved faster, and very soon thereafter he was gasping through his climax. His eyes fluttered open, and he looked at Penny with surprise. "That was…much better than….." He trailed off, embarrassed. Then he apparently remembered where his hand was and snatched it back to him as if he'd been burned.

Penny lay there, a little surprised at her own enjoyment of it all. She took a shaky breath and rose from the bed. "Well, Sweetie, I'm gonna' go put Howard in his place. I'll see you later, Okay?" She kept her voice gentle, uncertain of how Sheldon would react now.

"Okay, Penny," he said meekly. His eyes caught hers. "Was it…that is, were you right, about…'packin'?" He didn't know what was wrong with him, he had never cared whether his penis met with anyone's approval before.

She blushed. "Not quite, I …er…underestimated you."

He found that he was disturbingly pleased by her response. Perhaps Howard was correct. "Have…that is do you feel that the terms of quid pro quo has been met?"

That brought her up short. Was he suggesting…? "Not necessarily." She said hopefully.

He brightened. "Excellent."

"I'll see you later, then?"

He gave her a dopey nod in response. A very dazed Penny wandered back into the living room to face the guys.

End.


	3. Chapter 3

I hadn't intended to continue this, but… sometimes you just have to go where inspiration takes you.

Sheldon lay on his bed for several minutes after Penny left to put Howard in his place. He would never tell Howard this, but he thought that perhaps Howard had been correct. The size of his penis did seem to matter, if only insomuch as Penny had approved of it; the fact that Penny had been impressed by his penis pleased him. It also made him want to do things that he hadn't done since he was a 15-year old visiting professor in Germany.

With an eidetic memory he hadn't forgotten, so much had just not given much thought to the pleasure of another's touch. Strangely enough, he had garnered more pleasure from Penny's manual stimulation than he had from actual coitus with Gerta. He was uncertain as to whether that was because Professor Gerta Stromberg had only used his young body for her own pleasure, or if it was simpler than that; that he cared for Penny and that's what made it more arousing.

He feared that the latter would prove to be the case. Still, Sheldon knew that he had been fond of Penny prior to this experience. Having shared such an intimacy could bring them closer. He sighed. He supposed that he should go face the others. With that thought, he rose from his bed, tidied his room and his person. With a last thought to Penny, he left the sanctuary of his room.

He found the others playing Super Mario. There was an awkward pause when he strode into the living room. Howard and Raj stared at his crotch, making him rather uncomfortable, whereas Leonard refused to look at him at all. Howard spoke into the silence. "Um, Penny says that I owe you an apology…so… ahem…sorry."

Sheldon nodded his acceptance, and took the proffered game controller. Slowly, their interactions returned to normal. Or at least what passed for normal in their social group.

Later that night, after his bedtime ritual, Sheldon lay unable to sleep. He was replaying the events of earlier over and over in his mind. His eidetic memory easily supplied every last detail of his interaction with Penny. As he became immersed in the memory he made a surprising discovery. Penny had also been aroused by what had transpired. Her breathing had been short, her pupils had dilated, and there had been a faint flush on her skin. How had he missed such obvious signs? Surely his own arousal hadn't distracted him to that degree. Or was it merely that he had overlooked something that he had not expected?

He nodded to himself. Yes, that might be it. Now, aroused and wide awake he debated on a course of action. He could deal with the matter himself as he had done countless times before, or… he could see if Penny wished to take the next step of the quid pro quo that had been mentioned. She had seemed open to the possibility, another sign of her arousal that he had overlooked amidst his own.

He pulled on his robe and slippers. Before heading across the hall, he sent her a text, asking if he might come over.

Her affirmative response came much quicker than he had expected or hoped for. Quietly, he let himself out of the apartment and knocked lightly upon Penny's door.

Knock, knock, knock, "Penny."

Knock, knock, knock, "Penny."

Knock, knock, knock, "Penny."

Penny waited until her friend had completed his ritual knock, and opened the door. She gestured him in, and they stood staring at one another for several long minutes, both at a loss as to the next step.

Penny had been more than a little surprised by Sheldon's text asking to come over. It was nearly midnight and way past his bedtime. And, honestly, she kinda' thought that he'd avoid her in embarrassment for a while. Add to that, Sheldon didn't like to be vulnerable, and she had seen him pretty vulnerable earlier.

Still, he was here now, and she shook her head to clear it. She invited him to sit and then joined him on the small sofa.

He fidgeted awkwardly, cleared his throat a couple of times and finally just sat and stared at her with big blue eyes.

She sighed. "Sheldon, did you want to talk about earlier?" She asked gently.

He cleared his throat again. "Yes," he finally admitted. Then he seemed to collect himself all at once. "Empirical data from our earlier encounter," here he blushed a little, "indicated that you were not…unaffected by the nature of our intimate interaction." He stopped and trained his eyes on hers.

She felt the heat rising in her own face. "Um, no… I wasn't unaffected." She finally admitted honestly.

"I was correct?" He seemed surprised and then pleased. Whether he was pleased to be right, or by her admission was not yet clear. "I was not unaffected either. In fact, I was affected by more than a mere biological response to stimuli."

She puzzled over that for a few seconds. "You liked it for more than just, uh…sex?" She finally interpreted.

"Yes, that's what I said."

"Huh."

"Yes." He paused. "Penny?"

"Yeah, Sweetie?"

"I am unclear as to the next step. Do we continue the quid pro quo until coitus is achieved, or…." He trailed off at a loss.

Penny blinked at him. "Uh, wow, Sheldon…I just…," she sighed. "If it's more than just sex, then… were you thinking… a relationship?"

He gave the matter serious consideration. "From observing your relationship with Leonard, I cannot say that it's something I would enjoy."

"It wouldn't have to be like that. That was never going to work and I was stupid to think otherwise. He just wanted… it _was_ just sex. I just didn't see it for too long. I wouldn't enjoy a relationship like that, especially not with you."

"I see. What would _our_ relationship entail?"

"Whatever we wanted it to. Halo, dinner, movies, sex." She shrugged.

"I agree." He said. Based on his expression, he was as surprised by his quick answer as she was.

"Oh. Me, too, then." They sat staring at each other. "Um…did you want to…?" She began tentatively.

He merely looked at her in confusion.

"Start now?" She finished, her face stained with color.

"Oh, could we?" He really was terribly aroused.

"Yes?" She answered, her voice a little high. She went on more normally. "Yes, of course we can."

"How would you like to begin?"

In answer, she closed the distance between them, and brushed a gentle kiss across his mouth. He pushed the memories of Germany away and relaxed. He trusted Penny more than any other, and knew that she would lead him where they both wanted to go.

He allowed biology, body memory and instinct to have free reign for the first time that he could remember. His arms wound around her torso, and she deepened the kiss, allowing her tongue to trace his lips. He opened for her, and she sighed a little against his mouth, before allowing her tongue to caress his.

He pulled back with a gasp. She looked at him in concern. "No, it's just…I'd forgotten how…."

"Forgotten how… what, Sheldon?" She asked gently.

"Good it could feel." He admitted finally.

She stared at him in puzzlement. "Have you…Sheldon, have you done this before?"

"This being coitus?" At her nod, he continued. "Yes, in Germany. It was …messy and not as pleasant as I'd been led to expect."

"Were you…involved?" Penny's mind was spinning. All this time, she'd been sure he was a virgin.

"Not so much involved as … in retrospect, I believe I was convenient."

"Oh, Honey," Penny said softly.

"There is no need to ….I was curious. And if nothing else, it satisfied that curiosity."

"It should be amazing, Sheldon, and with someone you care about. And I'm sorry that it wasn't. This time… oh, this time is going to rock your world." She had a fierce expression that he found strangely arousing. Also, just a little frightening. Still, that was Penny for you.

"Then I shall follow your lead."

Her green eyes were warm with affection. "Then let's get back to the kissing and see where we go from there, okay, Sheldon?"

In reply, he cupped her face in his large hands and kissed her. It wasn't long before Penny was pulling free, and hinting that it was time to move to the bedroom.

Sheldon followed her timidly, still just a little nervous. Penny gave him a gentle nudge to get him sitting on the edge of the bed, and then straddled his lap. Feeling the bulk of him between her thighs, Penny wanted to strip them both down and have her oh-so-very-wicked way with him.

But…she wanted this to be memorable and wonderful for him. She wanted it to be what his first time should have been. Getting herself under control, she gently rubbed herself along his erection. He froze beneath her and then his hands grasped her hips and brought her against him more firmly.

"Not too fast, Sheldon, we want to take our time." She whispered into his ear as she traced the shell of it with her tongue.

He nodded against her, and then dropped his mouth to her shoulder, where he began to trail kisses up to her throat. She threw her head back, "Oh, that's nice, Sheldon." She was aware that she was saying his name an awful lot, but she really wanted him to understand that he was not some convenient body for her; she wanted to be with _him_.

"Penny," he hesitated and then allowed his hands to cautiously slide up her ribs to just below her breasts. "Is this acceptable?"

"Yes," she breathed. "More than acceptable, Sheldon."

He cupped one of her breasts, allowing the weight to fill his palm. He rubbed his thumb across the nipple he could feel pebbling, then gently pinched it.

"Oh," she gasped, arching her back and pressing more firmly into his hand.

Thus encouraged, Sheldon used his free hand to cautiously move Penny's tank-top down, exposing her breast. Some long suppressed instinct had him leaning down to take the hardened nipple into his mouth. He suckled gently, then with increasing fervor as Penny cupped the back of his head and held him to her. Without consciously deciding to do so, he was shifting them to lower Penny onto the mattress. He hovered over her and uncovered the other breast to give it the same gratifying treatment.

Penny decided that things were getting a little inequal. Unequal? Whatever the word was, the situation needed to be equalized. With that muzzy thought in mind, Penny slowly started to unbutton Sheldon's pajama shirt. She eased it off of him, and pushed him away long enough to get his t-shirt off as well. Looking up at him Penny was struck by his expression. Want. His eyes were glazed with lust, lips red and kiss-swollen, a sexual flush was on his cheeks and he _wanted_ her. She thought that might the most arousing thing that had ever happened to her. And she'd been with some pretty creative guys (it couldn't really be 31, could it?).

Penny kissed his mouth, then down his neck and throat. She carefully pulled the skin between her teeth, and then soothed the spot with her tongue. She continued down to the center of his chest, feeling his sparse chest hair tickle her cheeks. She moved to his right nipple and returned the attention that he had lavished upon hers.

"Oh," he groaned above her, his arms shaking with the effort not to fall upon her. She lightly ran her nails down his back as she continued to kiss and suck and nibble. His arms trembled even more. "Penny."

"Hmm?" She asked, sending vibrations through him. Her hands drifted down to his butt, cupping his firm cheeks and squeezing.

"Oh, that's…, nice." He panted a little. "But… I can't reach you."

She felt her arousal kick up a notch at the need in his voice. "Lie on your side, Honey." Her own voice was husky with arousal. He followed her instructions, giving a relieved sigh as the pressure not to squish her was removed.

He immediately swooped in to kiss her and they spent several minutes doing that. Penny pulled away long enough to remove her tank-top and pressed back against him. He gave an approving hum as skin met skin; he could feel her hard nipples rubbing against him.

One of his large hands was resting on her hip, the other twined in her hair. Hers was trailing slowly down his chest, to the waistband of his pajama pants. She lightly traced the hard length of him through the material. He bucked forward and pulled away from her mouth gasping.

She'd had him in her hand, and she really wanted to feel him in her mouth. But five years worth of knowledge of Sheldon told her that there was no way that he'd be willing to kiss her on the mouth if she did so. So she pushed that enticing thought away, for now.

He wanted to do a little touching of his own. Gerta had encouraged him to touch only certain parts, which her considerable experience had shown her to bring her the most pleasure. But he had spent some of his teenage years learning more about the female body from books and other such sources. There were areas of Penny's body, Penny's glorious body, which he wanted to explore.

But, the need to join with her was growing beyond his ability to control. Perhaps his curiosity would have to wait for another time. He slid a hand beneath the hem of her shorts, seeking her warmth. He found that and also dampness. He traced his finger along the warmth, and Penny's hands tightened on him.

She eased her hand into his pants and underwear, allowing a little moan to escape at how very hard he was. She wrapped her hand around his girth, the angle was awkward, but she was beyond caring. Her other hand kneaded his butt.

Sheldon brought all of his considerable focus to bear, concentrating on bringing Penny off. Pooling all of the information that he had garnered, he put it into use, the end result being a very satisfying scream from an orgasming Penny.

Once she regained her breath, the following moments were a scramble to remove pants and underwear. Once they were both naked, Penny reached into the drawer of her bedside table, and removed a foil packet.

Sheldon stared at it and then held still while Penny rolled it over his erection. Once safely encased, Sheldon allowed his primitive instincts to take over once more. He rolled atop Penny, who shifted so that one of her thighs was on either side of his narrow hips. His arms were beneath her, his hands cupping her shoulders, so she took him in hand and brought him to where they both wanted him.

He took a deep breath and slowly pressed forward, her body giving way and making room for his girth. Once Penny's warmth fully engulfed him, he dropped his head to her throat and pressed several warm kisses to the skin there.

Her hands were resting on his hips, and it was they which guided him to pull back and thrust forward, once she was accustomed to him within her.

"Oh God," he groaned after the first full thrust. Instinct did the rest; soon he was grunting and thrusting, circling with his hips, hitting spots that Penny hadn't been sure existed.

She threw back her head, and arched her back towards him as a second orgasm overtook her. Feeling her clench around him pushed Sheldon that last little bit. His hips pistoned into hers, sending him over the edge after a few sharp thrusts.

He lay, drained and panting atop her for a few minutes afterwards. He kissed her lips, and pulled reluctantly from her.

"God, Sheldon, that was…," she trailed off, words having failed her.

"Strange," he murmured, brushing a sweaty blonde lock from her face. He lay on his side, facing her.

"What's strange, Honey?" She asked as she snuggled up to him, still a little breathless.

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her tightly to him. "That was nothing like I remembered it to be."

She stilled, not sure if she wanted to ask.

Sheldon, for once interpreted correctly. "This was so much more…, just more."

She relaxed against him. "Yeah, I'd have to agree."

"Perhaps, next time…."

"Next time what, Sheldon?" She asked sleepily.

"Perhaps next time, I might…explore?" His voice rose to a hopeful note at the end.

She all but purred as she cuddled against him. "I'd like that."

"Hm," Sheldon said quietly. Wolowitz had been correct after all. Knowing that your woman was satisfied with what you "had under the hood" was very important. And his woman was boneless, satisfied and dozing off in his arms. Sheldon fell asleep with a smug grin on his face.

Please Note: I do NOT condone Adult/Minor relationships in ANY universe. And no Sheldon's were harmed in the writing of this story.


End file.
